Dan's Get Rich Quick Schemes
by bogey654
Summary: Dan's dojo is in danger of being repossessed. He has thirty-one days to come up with a thousand pounds and get a stable job. With Sakura and Jimmy by his side, he can't fail. Watch his hilarious ideas as they unfold…and fail!
1. It Begins

Welcome to the start of Dan's get rich quick schemes! I would like to say that Blanka does growl for speech, but while around Dan and Sakura, I write him normally, because they can understand him!

"Noooooo!" A cry sounded throughout the dojo. Sakura and Blanka, who were talking about a trip to the fair that was temporarily in town, turned to face the dojo, and ran towards it.

"Hibiki-san! What's the matter?" Sakura asked while Dan simply sat there and sniffled. Getting up, he looked at his friend and student.

"I only have thirty-one days to come up with a thousand pounds, or they'll take the dojo! How the heck am I supposed to do that?!" He sat down, crying again. Jimmy and Sakura looked at each other. It was oh so common to see Dan overreact to something, but a thousand? How _was_ he supposed to do that?

"Cheer up!" Jimmy said, patting Dan on the back.

"Yeah, Hibiki-san! We'll help!" Sakura said enthusiastically, eyes bright at the prospect of wagering money on street fights. After she put the suggestion forward, Dan shook his head.

"They say that I have to have a stable position, a job of sorts afterwards as well. How am I going to pay for food? I can barely afford that!" After the explanation, Dan's two cohorts to be looked up at the roof in contemplation. Sakura clicked her fingers.

"I know! I'll just ask Ken-san what we can do!"

-

_**Three days later, twenty eight days left.**_

"I'm baaaaaack!" Sakura called as she entered the building.

"Sakura! Since when do we shout when we enter a dojo? You know better than that! How many times, seriously?" Dan said, forgetting temporarily that Sakura was his lifeline.

"Uh-uh!" Sakura made the noise childishly, while waving some paper. Dan's beady eyes followed it, drooling at the mouth, before shaking his head.

"What is it?" Dan asked. Sakura scratched her nose, and then began her explanation.

"Ken-san said the best way to get rich quick was to find a gap in the market, you know, invent something new. Here." She said, handing Dan the sheet of paper. Dan read it aloud.

"Hey Hibiki! I heard about your money troubles from Sakura. I think that the best thing to do is invent something, but a fast-selling fad may work. _Then_ you can get a job. I hope it works out for ya.

Ken Masters.

"Hibiki? I have a first name, you know!"

"Calm down, Hibiki-san! The important thing is, he _helped._ He didn't have to!" Sakura reasoned.

"Yeah, I suppose so. He's rich enough, why couldn't he just give me the money outright?" Dan asked, rhetorically. Sakura, however, answered.

"He said that you needed to learn independence. If he just gave it to you, you may end up relying on him. So he said." Dan pondered Sakura's words. "Also," Sakura began, "he gave us one hundred pounds to get started. Dan ran up to her, and hugged her.

"Thank you, kiddo!" Dan screamed, tears falling from his eyes. Sakura struggled to escape his grasp.

"Uh, Hibiki-san? When was the last time you washed?"

And that's the first chapter done! This was really just to explain the situation. The comedy will be in the next chapter. This is my first attempt at comedy, so I may be a bit off, but please appreciate my effort.


	2. The Doughnuts

_**Twenty seven days left.**_

Dan was grinning. There was no way this could fail! He had the brilliant idea of making a load of doughnuts with sweets on them, and then selling them at triple the cost to people at the fair!

"Ok, let's see…that's twenty quid…two hundred doughnuts…so, at one pound each… we'll be at two hundred and eighty pounds! This can't fail!" Dan celebrated, cheering and chanting.

"Who's the best? (Dan!) Who's the best? (Dan!) Who's the best? (Dan!)"He kept singing, until Jimmy tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey, genius." Blanka growled. "How're we getting them to the fair?" Dan shrugged Jimmy's concern off.

"I have a wheel-barrow. We line it with cling-film, and we're good to go!" Dan carried on with his little song, while Sakura and Blanka stared at him. The usually stupid pink-clad man had a good idea! 'Desperate times call for desperate measures,' Sakura thought.

"Doughnuts! The best you've ever tasted! Just one pound a pop! Just like my martial art, nothing rivals these doughnuts! They are unparalleled in greatness! C'mon people, some of you have gotta be hungry! How're we doing, kid?" Dan was shouting himself hoarse, throwing a quick question Sakura's way. Sakura was embarrassed by Dan's futile screaming, but saw it as a means to an end. Looking in the money box, she counted the newly added coins.

"We have eighty-three pounds Dan." She said, sounding deflated.

"What are you so sad about, kid? They're flying out to happy customers! Who's the best? (Dan!)" Sakura rolled her eyes at Dan's stupidity.

"Dan, we put _our_ eighty pounds in there to look professional! We've **made** three pounds!" Sakura shouted.

Dan scratched his head.

"But we've been here an hour…" He said, dejected. Jimmy woke from his nap, and joined in on the conversation.

"Yeah, we have. The reason we haven't made sales is cos of that guy behind us!" Blanka pointed. There was a man there, with a candy-floss stall. It had a sign saying: Candy-floss! The cheapest anywhere! Only fifty pence!

"Right! I'm fighting that fogey!" Dan said, running to the stall behind them.

Both his cohorts sighed.

"Does he think a screaming man dressed in pink will attract customers?" Blanka joked, and Sakura laughed.

"Oh yeah, 'C'mon people, some of you have gotta be hungry!'" They both laughed at that.

Dan was finally at the stall of his nemesis, who had become his nemesis ten seconds ago.

"Oi, you!" He said, pointing at his 'nemesis.' "Stop stealing our sales! I'm going to teach you a lesson!" Dan ran at the flustered man, shouting "Koooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrr rrruuuuuuuuuuukeeeeeeeeeeeee ennnnnnn!" The man dived out of the way. All he saw was a deranged, pink lunatic running at him. Dan had his eyes closed, certain that he would feel the satisfying _crack_ that would accompany a successful Koryuken. He felt a crack. His head on the tree he had jumped and (from the viewpoint of onlookers) head butted.

"owww…" Sakura and Blanka ran over, and dragged Dan to their stall, (The wheel-barrow), and hid the groaning man behind it. By the time the fair closed, they had sold fourteen more, at half the price. They were now in the red by ten pounds.

"WHAT?! WE STILL HAVE EIGHTY-THREE LEFT?!" Dan screamed.

"Calm down, sensei!" Sakura said. "So that one didn't work. We still have twenty-six days left!" She reasoned.

"Yeah…" Dan sounded depressed. "You do know we have to eat those? They will be stale tomorrow."

"I'll have one. I'm not ruining _my _physique." Sakura motioned to her abs.

"I'll have two." Blanka growled. "Just to make it an even eighty for you, Dan."

"WHAT?" Dan was crying. "I have to eat eighty?" Dan stood up. "Fine. I'll do it, and my next idea will work!"

When Sakura and Blanka got to the dojo the next morning, they found a fat Dan, awake, chewing on a doughnut, finishing it. His eyes glowed at the sight of his cohorts.

"I did it, I ate them all!" He cheered. "Who's the best? (Dan!)" He chanted, seemingly pleased with himself.

"Um, sensei?" Sakura said. Dan raised a questioning eyebrow. Sakura pointed behind him. There was a full tray of around twenty doughnuts, just sitting there.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

_**Twenty-six days left.**_

Poor Dan! Will he ever succeed? If you have an idea you want Dan to try, just ask! I can't use every idea, but I will try, if I see potential. If you do have an idea, write it down as a letter, cos then we can have fun with Dan receiving mysterious letters that are giving him ideas from unknown sources. Hope you enjoyed!


	3. The Human Horse

_**Twenty-six days left…**_

After Dan had binned the rest of the doughnuts, which were now stale, he, Blanka, and Sakura turned to face each other.

"So whadda we do now?" Dan asked, looking at his cohorts. Sakura glared at him.

"_You're_ the one who is supposed to come up with ideas! We're just the legwork!"

"Yeah, well, I don't have any ideas, kid! If only we could rely on divine intervention…" Dan said, with his hands clasped together.

_**Knock, knock.**_

"Who's there?" Dan sounded glum.

"The postman."

"The postman who?" Dan realised there was actually someone at the dojo's door, and attempted to run to the door, but was awfully unbalanced by his fat, and rolled a foot after falling over.

"Yeah?" Sakura answered the door, and thanked the postman after taking the letter from him.

"What is it?" Blanka asked, curious.

"A letter," Sakura replied. "I'll read it aloud; "You pink plebeian, if you're so stressed for money, why don't you sell yourself off as a mule pulling carts for those with class? You should build a cart to wheel around in the fair. You'll burn off that unsightly fat and earn a bit of money lugging around people as you go."

Yours truly, Major Mario.

"Pink plebeian? Unsightly fat? How dare he?! I'll use my awesome Saikyo style to beat the punk down! I'll-"

"Uh, actually, this 'Major Mario' guy does have a point on the fat…" Sakura cut in.

"I'm not sure if you can see your own toes." Blanka growled.

"I can too see my own toes! Dan the man is ALWAYS at his best!" After his impressive statement which proved he really was weak, he clawed at his belly, desperately trying to see the critters that always caused him pain when he chewed the nails on them. He hit his head on the floor after falling from leaning too far forwards, and Blanka and Sakura stared at him.

"…Let's go."

"There!" Dan proclaimed, clearly looking pleased with himself. Sakura encouraged him by offering helpful hints like:

"Glue that there! No, there! Tape that! No, you need more tape than _that!_ That needs more support! And what about…" Blanka zoned out at Sakura 'helpful hints.' His job, being the heaviest, (all the muscle!), was simply to sit on the cart, and see how long Dan's 'masterpiece' lasted.

"Ok, Jimmy, up you go!" Dan said, looking ready to lift Blanka up. Blanka dodged Dan's flabby stump, and jumped onto the cart. It looked like a wheelbarrow, which Dan had based it on, and had two protruding handles for the 'Horse' to hold while running. Surprisingly, it held.

"Ok, let's get going!" Sakura shouted, hopping up next to Blanka. Dan eyed her suspiciously.

"What're ya doing, kiddo?" He asked nervously.

"You're taking us there! You've gotta look like you've already worked a bit, then people will 'bite the bait.' Giddy up!" Dan opened his mouth to argue, then realised the annoying schoolgirl had a point.

"Hyah! Hyah! Giddy up, horsey!" Sakura squealed with glee, as if it was a real horse. Dan had always been good at running, and his fat hadn't impacted that…too much.

"Sh-shut up!" He said, too flustered to do more.

"C'mon, people at the fair will treat you worse than this! Now, giddy up!"

"Grrr…"

* * *

"Ow! Ah! Ah haha ow!" Dan was screaming, as he had throughout the day. Sakura and Blanka had helpfully suggested a whip.

"It'll spur you on, make you move quicker, which leads to more money!" Sakura had said, excited. "Also, there are probably people who will find a certain appeal to whipping a man."

"Yeah, masochists…" Dan sighed. "Fine, but it'll only be temporary." His eyes went comically wide when he saw that Blanka had already drawn a sign.

"A horse, a horse! Fifty pence for a horse! You can whip him, and he will take you anywhere around the fair!"

* * *

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

"Hahahahahahhahahaha!" This last noise was Sakura and Blanka laughing at Dan's grunts, and the sweat pouring off him. Finally, they saw him walking towards them, still pulling his cart, exhausted. Sakura and Blanka had helpfully got him bottles of water throughout the day with their own money, but still laughed every time he got whipped!

"Never…again…" Dan managed, wheezing.

"Sensei? How much money did you make?" Dan took the money box from around his neck, and looked into it. He counted it all up.

"Eighty-three fifty pees…forty-one pounds fifty!" Dan shouted with glee. Then looked sad.

"They did horrible things… horrible things!" He then began to tell his stories.

* * *

"Mummy! Mummy! Can we whip the fat person?" The woman smiled sweetly at her child.

"Of course, honey." She said, rather excited at the prospect herself.

* * *

"Heh, where to, pal?" Dan had said to the person on his cart, expecting another 'get me there quick!' job.

"Just stay where you are…" The shady man said. He then began furiously whipping Dan.

"Ah! Ow! Are you-ow!-sure you don't-grrrr!-need to be-ah!-anywhere? Ah! Hey! Quit it!" He yelled. The gentleman on the back simply laughed, and said;

"Nah, I'm ok, thanks." The guy didn't stop for five minutes, and Dan was crying by the end.

"Please! Please stop! I can't take any more!"

* * *

"Oh, well, it's not that bad. Now then," Sakura said mischieviously, "Giddy up horsey!"

"Ah! OW!"

_**Twenty-five days left.**_

_**Budget:£131.50**_

So Dan is making progress! However, he did say 'never again', so he's going to have to try something different. What will it be? It could be your idea, so please send them in! I owe this chapter to Major Mario, due to his idea. he even gave me a couple more ideas which I have yet to use. I would also like to thank the anonymous James Birdsong for reviewing. Enjoy!


	4. Painting The Truth

_**Twenty-five days left.**_

_**Budget:£131.50**_

Dan woke up. When the trio of money makers had got back to their places, Dan lay in his sleeping bag and thought throughout the night. He realised that letter from that Major Mario person had arrived quite conveniently, and that perhaps his luck was turning. Then he thought about how this mysterious stranger had even _known _about his money troubles. Did he simply delight in the suffering that Dan had endured? Was he an evil mastermind? It was a rather gruelling job. He sat up in bed at a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" Dan shouted, groggy from a lack of sleep.

"Postman!" A shout from the door reached Dan's ears. Groaning at his creaky legs, he managed to get to the door.

"What is it?" He asked, squinting.

"Post." The postman spoke gruffly, handing a letter to Dan.

"Thanks…" Dan took the letter. He read it in his head.

"Aw, you've got your friends helping you! How sweet! Are they really helping you, or are they doubting everything you do? You should paint them up to look like freaks, then push them out into public view. Imagine the embarrassment they'll go through! Oh, and I guess you could earn a bit of money on the side as well, if you care about that." Yours truly, Major Mario.

Dan grinned evilly. Sakura and Blanka _had _laughed at him all day yesterday, hadn't they? And what did they do? Bring him water? That's it? Right!

An idea began to form in Dan's head.

"Hibiki-san! Where are you?" Dan was getting ready to initiate his plan. Hiding behind the door with rope at the ready, he waited until they were four feet in front of him, then ran at them.

"Sensei! Wh-ah! Hey! Let go!" Dan had tied up both Sakura and Blanka.

"What are you doing?!" Blanka all but screamed.

"Revenge!" Dan flashed his Colgate smile, and his eyes were wide.

* * *

"Hello!" Dan was shouting. "Come to see the freaks! A freaky clown beast man, anda secret freak! The grand unveiling is at four o'clock, people!" Dan had already gained fifty sales at one pound each, so he was in the green. By the time he had finished, he had made 73 sales.

* * *

"Hello, everyone! I won't keep you waiting, instead, let's unveil the freaks! The clown beast man and the world's tallest midget!" Dan went behind the curtain, unwrapped Blanka and Sakura from their ropes, pulled the curtain down, and hid behind the stage.

Blanka and Sakura were faced with an angry crowd. Sakura had the same thoughts as them; the world's tallest midget was an old con, and everyone knew who Blanka was. They wouldn't have knowingly paid to see him painted as a clown.

"Daaaaaaaaaaannn!" Sakura shouted, turning to where the pink man was last seen. Instead, she saw a small dust cloud where he had been standing.

"RUUUUUUNNN!" Blanka shouted, chased by the angry crowd. Sakura was much taller than Blanka, and was much more athletic than the crowd, but Blanka's short legs let him down.

'Damn.' Blanka thought as he was surrounded by the angry crowd. He did the only thing he could; surrounded himself with electricity, and while the crowd took a couple of steps back, Blanka followed Sakura to where she was hiding, a tree.

"Heh." Dan chuckled as he counted his money. Seventy-three pounds! He was doing it! He would save the dojo!

"Daaaaaannnn!" A shout came from an aggravated schoolgirl. Dan sweat dropped. Now he just had to save himself…

"What. The. Hell. Was that!" Sakura emphasized each word, clearly venting her frustration. Dan flashed a cocky smile.

"Why, a simple bit of revenge! Yesterday, you were whipping me, and laughing! _You've _got to make sacrifices too!" As Sakura pondered his words, she was tempted to kick his ass for the umpteenth time. And she gave into the temptation.

"This… will... teach you… to mess… with me!"

"Ow! Ow! Quit it, kid! Ah!OW! STOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPP! I'll buy you LUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNCCCCHHHHHHH !"

_**Twenty-four days left.**_

_**Budget:£204.50**_

And that's the end of another chapter! I must once again thank Major Mario for the inspiration for this chapter. Please give me feedback, I felt as though this chapter was less funny than the others. Regardless, please enjoy!


	5. The Rap

_**Twenty-four days left.**_

_**Budget:£204.50**_

When Dan woke up the next morning, he had a brainwave. He could write a book! People became rich from that sort of thing all the time.

'Brilliant!' He thought, 'I'll tell Jimmy and Sakura later!' With his goofy Colgate smile, he got up, and planned his book. At eight o'clock, he had nothing. At nine, he had nothing. And at ten, he had a paper cut.

"Hibiki-san!" Sakura walked into the dojo. She saw him sucking on his finger.

"Have you been crying?" She asked, tilting her head to the left, with her eyes squinting. Dan turned around, his eyes bright red.

"No! Now show some respect, before I make _you_ cry!" Dan snapped back petulantly. The schoolgirl shrugged.

"Whatever, sensei. Now, what's the next plan?" She asked excitedly, eyes glowing. Dan grinned.

"Why, I'm going to write a book!" He said, showing off his skinny arms, as if he has muscles. Sakura frowned.

"Oh...Blanka and I are going to have some fun today. After yesterday," She glared. "We just want to have some fun." Sakura handed a letter to Dan. "The postman gave me this to give to you. I saw him outside. See ya later!" She said while running away from the pink man, waving. Opening the letter, Dan's eyes went wide.

"So, you want to write a book, huh? Well, that would take too long. Perhaps you should write a song. Perhaps Saikyo could shine through to people through a song." Yours truly, bogey654.

"How in the name of Saikyo did that guy know I was going to write a book?" he said out loud, as if he would get an answer. Then, he snapped his fingers. He scrabbled over to his pen and paper, and scribbled out a song. His tongue in the corner of his mouth, he stood up.

"Finished!" He proclaimed, and proceeded to sing.

(Insert funky beatbox)

"Who's the manliest Dan,

The man who can,

The guy with the Saikyo art,

He is faster than a speeding dart.

He stands for justice,

Stands for good,

He wears a nice pink hood.

Who's the best? (Dan!)

Who's the best? (Dan!)

Who's the best? (Dan!)

His muscles are better than a gun,

His IQ is a hundred and one,

Who's the best? (Dan!)

Saikyo is the martial art,

Dan stops men from calling girls tarts.

Who's the best? (Dan!)

He doesn't care about his plights,

Only about his next few fights,

Seeking not fortune and fame,

He really has no shame!

Who's the best? (Dan!)

Who's the best? (Dan!)

Who's the best? (Dan!)"

"Huh?" Sakura had walked in to a dancing Dan, and at the precise moment he was doing his catwalk part of his dance. Dan froze.

"Not a word to Jimmy, alright?" Sakura then stepped aside to reveal a grinning Blanka.

"Oh hey Jimmy! You uh…didn't see that did you?" Dan asked nervously.

"Let's go to the fair, Dan." Blanka said, thinking Dan was going to be like one of those people in the street who played guitars for money.

"Dan, are you going to be like one of those people in the street who plays guitars for money?" Sakura asked. Dan opened his mouth to deny it, and then thought 'Why not?'

* * *

"His muscles are better than a gun,

His IQ is a hundred and one,

Who's the best? (Dan!)

Saikyo is the martial art,

Dan stops men from calling girls tarts."

"Shut up, you pathetic man!" People had been shouting at him all day, but as his song says, he has no shame! People were actually giving him money to _stop_ singing. That's when he saw a young teenager dressed in red.

"Karin Kanzuki!" Dan said in wonder. She had beaten him badly in the last tournament, and he was pretty worried about her beating him up again. That _is_ one vicious teenager!

"Plebeian!" That was another thing he hated. She always addressed him as plebeian, just because he wasn't rich. He ignored her and kept on singing.

"Hey! Don't ignore me!" She stomped over and grabbed him by his collar. He pushed her away and dusted himself off.

"Whaddya want kid? Some of us need to _earn_ our money!" He snapped at her. Instead of recoiling, Karin smiled sweetly.

"If you want to earn five hundred pounds then listen up," Karin was writing at a furious speed on her paper. "Sing this instead." Dan read the sheet, and protested. Karin held her hand up.

"No ifs, no buts, no coconuts. Sing. Now." She commanded. Feeling like a stripper forced into this, he began singing.

"My name is Dan,

I look like a pan,

I like to wear nappies,

In which I do crappies!

I like to eat doughnuts,

And get really fat,

I even lost a fight to the cat!"

"Alright, kid, where's my money?" Dan asked, eager to get away from the laughing and jeering. Karin gave him the money, and laughed as he ran away, wiping away his tears.

Sakura had caught up to Dan, and consoled him before they got back to the dojo.

"Hibiki-san, it's great you got all that money, though! Now you just need a job!" Dan grinned at Sakura's point.

"Yeah!…oh." Dan had just seen a massive pile of Huggies nappies with a note on top.

"Ho ho ho! Unless you wear all these nappies for the next month, I'll take that money back! Ho ho ho, and I'll know if you don't wear them, so make sure you do!"

"…Sakura. Where can I find Karin Kanzuki?"

_**Twenty-three days left.**_

_**Budget:£760**_

Dan is doing it! But he now needs to get a job! What can he do? With just his pink fighting gear, his laughable personality, and him being Dan, he'll sure have trouble! We're sure to have more fun!


	6. The Job Search

_**Twenty days left.**_

_**Budget:£760**_

For the past few days Dan had been doing interviews and searched for job notices.

As a matter of fact, he was up early, and in bed late. This had led to Dan not talking to Blanka or Sakura, too tired to engage with his cohorts. On the third day he decided to check in with his team, and let them know how he got on.

"Horrible." Dan had replied to Sakura's query of how he was doing.

"Is that it?" Sakura frowned. She knew Dan would have trouble getting a job, but did not expect her sensei to be so down.

"Let me tell ya, kid, those interviewers are evil. Most kicked me out because of my clothes! I mean, it's crazy! I thought you should judge people on their personality! By that standard, I should be an astronaut!" Dan moaned.

"Ok then. Tell me what went wrong. Tell me exactly what happened."

"Well," Dan began.

* * *

"Hi, I'm here for a car washing job." Dan said to the guy behind the desk of the car wash. The man snorted.

"Yeah, so what?" The man glared at Dan. "Get outta here, cupcake!" Dan recoiled.

"Fine…" He said, dejected. As he went past the snack section, he decided to get his revenge on this punk. Grabbing as many chocolate bars as possible, he ran. Ignoring the shouts of the till-person, he kept on running.

Eating a Mars Bar, Dan was already looking for a new opportunity. As fate would have it, there was a notice outside a hairdressing shop. It read:

Hairdresser wanted: Must have a lot of experience.

Now, Dan had little experience in hair. The only thing he could do with it was turn it into a ponytail. Ignoring this, he walked into the shop, carrying the notice.

"Excuse me I-"

"Oh, my god, you are _so_ hired!" The man behind the till cut Dan off. Giving the pink man some scissors and hair gel, the till-person led Dan to the only empty chair in the shop. Almost immediately, someone walked in, asking for a pair of pigtails. A bewildered Dan was pushed next to the chair.

"Hi!" Dan said eager to just flounder his way through the week to get his pay.

"Hello!" This was the client, a female of around thirty, with brown messy hair.

"Just a pair of pigtails, right?" Dan asked. The woman nodded and turned to her magazine. Dan brought the scissors to her hair before realising he had no idea what pigtails are! Thinking about the name, he arrived at the conclusion it must look like a pigtail, that is, a thin Mohican with a few wisps of hair.

"What the fu-"

"What's the problem?" A bald man wearing a badge that read MANGER ran over to the angry woman.

"The problem is that guy," She pointed, "Made me nearly bald!" She shouted, rightfully angry. As the manager turned to Dan, Dan began running…

The manager was dumbfounded.

"Who hired that guy?" He asked his staff. One man raised his hand. Sighing, the manager tried to talk to the fool that cost him a customer.

"For the last time Miguel, a gay person does not make a hairdresser!" Dan, who had been hiding around the corner, was outraged. However, not keen to stick around, ran home.

* * *

"That's it! Jobs suck!" Dan sat down, facing away from Sakura and began crying.

"Sensei, didn't you think to get a job that you might be good at? Then it would be easy!" Sakura cheered. Dan shook his head.

"Like what, kid? The only thing I'm good at is fighting!" Dan appeared defeated. Sakura laughed nervously.

"But no-one will come to the dojo!" She said. "So what do we do?"

An hour later, they had nothing. Another hour later, they had nothing. Another hour later, Dan had a headache.

_**Nineteen days left.**_

_**Budget:£760**_

I apologise if anyone was offended by the gay joke. I 100% support the gay community. Anyway, Dan's job search isn't going well. If there's a job you would like to see Dan try, don't hesitate to message me!


	7. It's A Shit Deal

_**Sixteen days left.**_

_**Budget: £760**_

"I give up!" Dan announced as he entered his dojo.

"But sensei!" Sakura shrieked. "This is your home! Where will you live?

"I don't know." Dan shook his head. "Sorry kid, but you'll have to go back home to your parents." Sakura's eye twitched. She spoke softly through gritted teeth.

"Dan. Hibiki." As Sakura took in a deep breath, Blanka entered the dojo.

"It's not all about you!" Sakura screamed. Dan looked up from his spot he was sitting in. All he saw was a cheesed off schoolgirl surrounded by fire. "I don't want to go back to my parents! I'm here for the freedom! And what about Blanka? He stays here a lot too! Or are you going to send him to his mother as well? Y'see, we need you! You're the glue! The sticky stuff that keeps our little gang going! So pull yourself together dweeb! 'Cause if you don't, we're gonna kick your ass!" When Sakura had finished her tantrum, Blanka timidly asked an important, life saving question.

"Why is Dan wearing a nappy?"

Both of the other occupants of the room looked at Dan's nappy.

"These things are why I'm giving up! I've gotten so used to wearing them that…I've started using them."

"What?!" Sakura and Blanka shared a look. All of a sudden a thought struck Sakura.

"Dan, tell me you didn't…"

"Yep. I did."

* * *

"And what do you think you can contribute to my bank staff, Mr Hibiki?" The interviewer asked him. She was a black haired female who wore glasses and was in her middle forty's.

"Well, I will create a positive atmosphere and attempt to keep a good morale," Dan spoke his memorized speech that Sakura had taught him. "And I would-" Stopping mid sentence, Dan's face turned red.

"Mr Hibiki, are you alright?" The interviewer stood up. Before she got any closer, she heard a loud fart come from the man dressed in pink, and an unpleasant smell filled the room.

"-Provide an excellent peer mentor role, as well as doing an effective job." Dan finished as if nothing had happened.

"Mr Hibiki, did you just brown your shorts in my office?"

"Yeah, but it's ok, I have a nappy, see?" Dan turned around and showed her his nappy with his trousers pulled down.

"Get out! Get out, you vile man! We need distinguished, mature staff! Not an overgrown girl in a pink jacket!" As Dan left the office, he shouted back at her,

"It's a gi!" He noticed that it was time to go change. Remembering that his misfortune was down to the very item that needed changing, he got angry at the nappy.

'**Shit** deal, huh?' Laughed his evil side.

* * *

"And that's it. I'm giving up. Stupid Karin can have her money back. Stupid people at the fair…stupid doughnuts…stupid people whipping me!" Dan lamented.

"Uh, Hibiki-san?" Sakura said. "If Karin can have her money back, then why are you wearing the nappy still?" Dan rolled to his side, facing away from his two cohorts.

"…They're comfy…"

So Dan is ready to give up! Oh no! Can Sakura and Blanka convince him to at least try? We'll see what their next bright idea is!


	8. Digital Loss

_**Fifteen days left.**_

_**Budget: £760**_

"Think, Blanka! What can we do to get Hibiki-san to get a job?" As Sakura asked this question, Blanka was thinking. Shrugging his shoulders, Blanka saw Dan come into the dojo.

"What are you guys plotting?" Dan narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "You're not planning on having me whipped again?"

"No! But we do want you to at least try to get a job," Sakura added, "We still have half our time and three quarters of the money needed!"

"Yeah! You're doing great!" Blanka flashed a thumbs up. Dan swapped his dark gaze between the two mismatched comrades.

"Fine! I'll give it one more shot! There, you happy?" Dan threw his hands up in frustration.

"Yes!" Sakura punched the air. "I have the perfect job too!"

* * *

Dan stood behind the counter of his new workplace, grinning.

'I have the easiest job in the world! I get to test and sell video games!" Dan was wearing a classic till-person white shirt and black trousers. Looking through the stock he was organising, something caught his eye.

Super Street Fighter IV.

"Woohoo!" Dan yelled, drawing the attention of everyone in the shop. Nervously exiting the sales area, he walked to the back of the shop where the consoles were. Plugging in the xbox, Dan eagerly awaited the starting cinematic. Dan read through the controls, obtaining the basics. Selecting the "Xbox Live" option, Dan was thrust immediately into the character selection screen. His gamer tag was "SHOP CLERK6749" while his opponent was "Feed Me." Dan moved slowly through the character selection until he found himself. His opponent selected Blanka. Dan grinned.

"Alright, I'll finally beat you Jimmy!"

The on screen Dan rolled across the floor and then grasped his left arm.

"I hope you're ready for a beating!"

"What a line!" Dan admired himself. Then the screen shifted to Blanka, roaring and growling. "Prepare to lose!"

The fight began with Feed Me performing a Blanka roll, knocking the in-game Dan down.

"Right, you little bugger!" Dan jumped and attempted to do an aerial kick. He was shocked when he saw the in-game Blanka jab the air and then surround itself with electricity. Then, Dan's character was bitten and kicked back. Dan was then trounced by a load of normal attacks and sweeps.

"K.O!" The T.V exclaimed.

"Fuck you!" Dan shouted back.

"What are you doing back here, Hibiki?"

Dan turned around to see his boss.

"I quit! That game is a load of crap!" Then Dan realised what he had said. "No, I mean-"

"Save it Hibiki." The boss held up a controller. "I'm 'Feed Me.' I can't have someone who is that bad at video games working in my store."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

_**Fourteen days left.**_

_**Budget: £760**_

Credit for this idea goes to Major Mike Powell III. I felt the quality of this chapter was lower than the rest. Still, I do need ideas for Dan. Regardless, enjoy!


	9. Washing, Cooking And Smashing

_**Fourteen days left.**_

_**Budget: £760**_

Credit for this idea goes to Major Mike Powell III. I had fun with this one, because it could happen to anyone, but it had to be Dan!

"I got another job!" Dan proclaimed proudly. Sakura and Blanka turned around from their game of Yu-Gi-Oh and smiled.

"What is it?" Sakura asked the dancing man, grinning at his self worship.

"Who's the best? (Dan!) Who's the be-oh, uh, I'm a dishwasher at a restaurant! I know it's a simple one, but I just need a small amount of money! We're nearly there!"

"Great job, Dan!" Blanka called over before adding Monster Reborn from his deck to his hand while Sakura was distracted. He also took Spirit Barrier.

"I've gotta get going! I'll see you guys later!" Dan ran outside, humming his little tune.

"Right, where were we, Blanka?" Sakura asked, picking her hand up.

"It was my go. I use monster reborn to bring back Sangan. I attack your Gene-Warped Warwolf and add the final piece of Exodia to my hand! I win!" Blanka grinned.

"Damn, Blanka," Sakura sighed. "I can beat Karin's Dragons no problem, but I can never beat your Exodia! How do you do it?" Sakura shuffled her deck, ready for the next game.

"Oh, it just takes skill and experience." Blanka slipped the head of Exodia to the top of his deck and put his neutral smile on.

'And a couple of distractions…'

* * *

"Ok, listen up Hibiki. Wash the dishes, put them here. When they dry out, put them there," The manager of Dan's new job said, pointing, "Got it?"

"Yes sir!" Dan exclaimed, saluting. Watching the manager go, Dan turned to his dishes. The first hour went well, and Dan was having fun. Everyone was quite nice and no-one made fun of him for wearing pink. (Of course, that was because they thought it was to keep his good clothes dry!) However, this all went to hell when he saw some soup left unattended. Walking over, he smelt it. Inhaling the aroma, he frowned thoughtfully.

"Hmmm…not enough pepper!" Dan ran over to the spices and grabbed the pepper. Standing over the soup, he threw an entire pot of pepper into it and stirred. Pouring some into a bowl, he ate it eagerly.

"Hibiki! What are you doing? You're supposed to be washing, not eating!"

"Ahh! Sorry mister boss sir!" Dan backed away and crashed into his massive pile of dishes, knocking them over. Dan could only watch in horror as the dishes crashed, startling the chefs. This caused many of them to knock their own food over. Staring at the sea of destruction, the boss was speechless. Dan scurried away, hoping to avoid being shouted at.

"HIIIIIIIBIIIIIIKIIIIII!"

_**Thirteen days left.**_

_**Budget: £760**_

Yes, I really enjoyed this one! Will Dan ever make that last bit of money? I don't even know, but we're sure to find out. Enjoy as always!


	10. Skirt Is The Word!

_**Thirteen days left.**_

_**Budget: £760**_

Dan stretched and opened his eyes. He realised it must have been raining, because there was a wet patch on his sleeping bag. He paled when he saw that it was as dry as a bone outside.

"...Damn..." He glanced at the pile of unused nappies in the corner of the room and sighed. "Great, now I'm gonna have to take a trip to the waterfall for a shower again! That means that I can't look for a job today!" Sore, red eyes, a hunched back and a dead look in his eyes showed just how tired and stressed he was. His sorrowful demeanour was rectified when he noticed a solitary letter by his door. He rushed over in excitement and proceeded to read the letter.

"Mwa ha ha! So, Hibiki, you still need a job? Some people sell their possessions for money. Perhaps that means you can eat today. Of course, those doughnuts are the only thing that has kept you alive!"

Dan paused here. He remembered the doughnuts and shuddered.

"Sell your stuff. Then search in town for a job. I recommend clothing."

~~~~~bogey654~~~~~

Dan rushed to get all his stuff together. He searched all over his dojo. He searched the corners, the wardrobe, and...and...well, that's it. After this endeavour, he came up with his second gi and his single chopstick. Dan looked back and forth between the two and tried to decide which would be more valuable. He threw aside the worthless item and pocketed the chopstick.

'I can sell that later...' Then he cried out when he stabbed his knee with the chopstick.

"Agh!" He threw it away and darted towards the door, eager to try the advice of the strange letter. He stopped when he saw another letter that he'd missed before. He read it, becoming angrier as he read through.

"Heh. Didn't have anything, did ya? I bet your most valuable possession was a pair of chopsticks or something...heh, anyway, get down to the clothes shop. Just 'cause it's fun to tease you doesn't mean I don't like you. Actually, many people want you to succeed. Without you, the Street Fighter tournament just wouldn't be the same. We need your ridiculous personality! Get moving!"

~~~~~bogey654~~~~~

Dan read the letter twice. It eventually dawned on him that someone was spying on him. But how could they? He'd never heard of a guy named 'bogey654' or the other guy, 'Majormario.'

'Weird...the way that letter was worded...it sounds like he controls my life completely...kinda like Sakura with her...her...uh...oh! Her fan fiction! Yeah, she spoke about this before. She said something about how it's for people to write about a book or game or something...she also mentioned the word 'yuri' a few times too. She seems really into it...' He pondered on the phenomenon that this 'bogey654' guy could be controlling his life...he eventually shook his head and dismissed the matter.

'Well...at least they're helping. Even if it is for their own masochistic laughs..." With that, Dan ran for the waterfall, and then into town to the clothes shop.

* * *

"You're hired!" Dan's new boss thrust his hand towards Dan, which he warmly took. After a somewhat lengthy interview, the boss was impressed by Dan's enthusiasm. He also commented on 'how clever you are to wear that suit ironically.' Dan didn't bother correcting him; instead he simply laughed it off.

His first shift began in an hour, but the boss insisted that he changed his clothing. After some lengthy debate, Dan ended up wearing jeans and a smart button-up shirt. His hair was also let loose. He actually looked rather handsome; his overly exaggerated smile only added to the surreal look. Standing behind the counter, his smile grew when he saw his first customer enter.

"Wha-" Dan held himself back, but his surprise at who it was stunned him. "Wha-what the heck is Ryu doing here?" He stared as Ryu walked towards the till. 'What are the odds?'

"Hello there." Ryu smiled his creepy smile. "I'm looking for a stylish gi. A friend of mine said white is dull."

Dan was about to reply, but it appeared that Ryu didn't recognise him. Dan grinned cheekily. 'Now I can have some fun!'

"Um, yes stranger...white sucks...however, pink is a very manly colour. All the kids these days wear it!" Dan grinned evilly. "We actually have a new kind of gi in stock sir. I'll show you." Dan led the way, sure to obstruct the sign that said "teenage girls" from Ryu's vision. They arrived at the desired section. Dan picked out a short pink skirt from the racks and handed it to Ryu. "Here." The fighter analysed the clothing before nodding, satisfied.

"Ah yes, very practical for fighting in." Ryu felt the material. "Mmm...nice. I'll wear it out!" Ryu took his trousers off in the middle of the shop, frightening off a woman and her thirteen year old daughter in the process. Thankfully, he wore boxers. They were yellow and covered in light blue elephants. His skirt covered them afterwards. After Dan had taken fifty quid off Ryu and returned five (clearly Ryu didn't understand the concept of maths and money) he laughed his head off when Ryu turned to leave. When Ryu reached the door, Dan decided to really milk it.

"Hadoken!" Dan quickly looked away as Ryu turned around.

"Huh? Did you say something?"

"Nope."

"Oh." Ryu turned away to leave.

"Hadoken!"

Ryu whipped around.

"Are you sure you didn't say anything?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I think you're imagining-Hadoken-things!"

Ryu realised that he was being insulted and hurriedly left. As he walked down the street, he was stopped by a bald man.

"Hey hun, want to...wrestle?" The man winked at Ryu.

"Uh...I really prefer Shotokan..." Ryu shrugged off the awkwardness. The other man blinked.

"Whoa...that must be a weird position..."

The now skirt-clad fighter just walked on, ignoring the cat whistles of various males as he wondered towards a signup office for a tournament. As soon as he entered, the guy behind the desk began howling with laughter.

"Ha! Not a chance, cupcake!"

"What?" Ryu cried, "Don't you know who I am?"

"Yeah, I do. You're the guy that's going back to the crazy house!" With that the office man hit a button that caused a cage to surround Ryu. He picked up a phone and made a call.

* * *

"I'm not crazy!" Ryu screamed crazily as his handcuffs were taken off him and was forced into the showers. His handler laughed at him.

"Whatever." He pushed Ryu under the ice-cold streams of water.

Ryu huffed and grabbed the soap, planning to protest his sanity later. Then, he made the biggest mistake of his life (aside from not committing suicide.) He...dropped...the _**soap**_.

As the horde of other men advanced on him, Ryu felt his nerves tingle. His senses went into overdrive when someone grabbed him from behind. The second he realised what was happening, he teared up.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

* * *

Dan laughed to himself. 'Ah...all I need to do is keep this job for like, a month, and then they'll say that it's stable, and I can go back to spreading Saikyo all over the world!'

Of course, Dan being Dan, he jinxed himself. The next person to come through his door sealed his fate.

"Oh...shi-"

"Ah! Hello, plebeian." Karin Kanzuki sauntered up to Dan. "I see you have developed a sense of style...even if it is awful. That won't get you the..._Huggies_ from the ladies."

"Hey!" Dan eyed her cautiously. "That's mean!"

"Oh." Karin smiled, "I meant that won't get you Huggies from the _men_." She giggled to herself.

"Whatever. What do you want, bitch?" Weary already, her presence alone was too much for our heroine...I mean, hero.

"I have another offer for you. I did want a belt with pure golden metal, but now I want something so much better. Dress in a skirt and bra and dance around the shop!" Karin's words were pure evil. Dan had a hard time comprehending what she was saying.

"What's in it for me?"

"Five hundred quid."

"But that'll mean I lose my job!" Dan exclaimed, to which Karin shrugged.

"Whatever. If you don't want it..."

Now, Dan was not a thinker, but his mind raced faster than ever before. If he took this offer, all he'd need to do is get an easy job, hold onto it, and then he'd be fine. And he'd keep the debt agency quiet for a time.

"Wait! Ok!" Dan called after Karin. "I'll do it. Pay me now!" Karin handed him the money and watched with glee. She could never explain it, but it was so much fun to watch other people humiliate themselves. When Dan had prepared himself (both physically and mentally,) Karin scribbled something down on some paper she pulled out of nowhere.

"Here, sing this!" Dan walked to the middle of the shop, sighing with exhaustion.

"Everybody, customers and staff, ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement!" He called half heartedly. "I need to let you all know something...what is it, I hear you ask? Haven't you heard?" He took a deep breath, and began to sing, twirling his skirt as he did so.

"Well a skirt, skirt, skirt, skirt is the word,

I said a skirt, skirt, skirt, skirt is the word,

But seriously, what is clothing?

Simply a method of branding.

I am Dan, I'm a man, but skirts are for me!

Oestrogen may make me teasy,

But it created all my love for me!

I really love my womanly side,

Hopefully I'll make a good bride,

And when we're on my honeymoon,

I will not hide,

From my handsome groom!"

He finished his song by throwing his bra into the small crowd. He glanced at Karin. She was holding her belly, her hysterical laughing forcing the breath from her body. It appeared she couldn't even breathe.

Dan ran away from the stunned crowd, almost relieved. He now had his thousand pounds. All he needed was a stable job.

"Such an exhausting day!" He groaned. He headed home. He was really looking forward to telling Blanka, Sakura, and the debt agency that he'd made the thousand.

* * *

"Hey guys!" Dan waved at Sakura and Blanka. They were at the other end of the dojo, playing Mario Kart on their DS'. "I did it! I made the grand!" The two stared at him for a moment, causing Sakura to overtake Blanka and win the race. They dropped their DS' and rushed over to congratulate their companion.

"Nice!"

"Yeah, well done!"

The trio laughed and celebrated and hugged (don't worry, Dan was clean this time) for a few minutes. Dan pulled away and grabbed his phone.

"Right, I'm gonna tell them the good news!"

* * *

"Hello, customer service, Debt Dealings, how may I help?"

"Yes, this is Dan Hibiki, paying off my debt for my dojo."

"Ah yes, my boss told me to expect this call. Would this be the debt of one thousand pounds?"

"Yep!"

"Ok..." There was a moment of silence. Sakura and Blanka eyed Dan as the sound of computer keys being tapped came through the phone. "Thank you, mister Hibiki. Someone will be around tomorrow to pick up your money."

"Excellent!" Dan sounded very happy, and Blanka and Sakura smiled at him encouragingly.

"Now that your phone bill is paid...if you could just pay this year's rent of two thousand pounds..."

Dan paused. The information slowly sunk in. He collapsed to the floor.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !"

_**Twelve days left.**_

_**Budget: £260**_

* * *

Oh noes! Dan now has an even bigger debt to deal with! How is he going to manage this one? You guys are just going to have to wait and see! (Evil grin.) So, Dan paid off his phone bill...heh, and now he's somehow got to pay off his rent. He's got a lot to do, and no time to do it in! So, do you guys have any suggestions for poor old Dan? C'mon people, he really needs help! But I can't just give him two grand...well, I can, but it's up to you guys! I need ideas! Without them, this fic will end sooner! Regardless, enjoy, as always!


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